Description

By Oritsesemisan Megbele

ISBN: 978-1-78382-229-4
Published: 2015
Pages: 506
Key Themes: Mental Health, Schizophrenia

Description

The books have been written by a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenia
written with zeal for self actualisation and a test to awareness of his inner self, consciousness and may be sum up on what this world we dwell in, in view of pain and suffering. What he feels are the issues related to his
mental health and much more such as his beliefs paradigms of what brought
suffering into the world. Are the gods or deities to be blame because of
suffering should he blame God for allowing suffering in this world? He has partly written his books based on consistency and inconsistency of a child born premature. What sensitive, mysterious or enigmatic repercussions of being a premature child the consequence of its relation to science of
medicine, modern-day technology, and ways of life from different
perspectives. His books implies effigies of what dense molecular
structures could stamina, equal, or have the same interplay to the
molecular structure as, that of superman, a crucifix or juju? Implying I am superman might mean as Orunmila I had picked something up from planet Krypton and divested myself of my powers as Orunmila or to
refine myself more based on trials of life. The author is a child born in the UK during the Biafra war in Nigeria he and his immediate elder brother with their mother left the UK for Nigeria by sea just after he was born. If any love is right if ever two stars cross, if ever the touch was right if ever there was love and it is right while relationships we have seems not to fad, it was you and that person you coup and got along with because, we are now at a time when the rain is trickling down the window screen.

About the Author

I lost my mother just after I took resident at my number 13 Gorman road block of flats. Within this period my father Chief (Dr) Frank Anirejuoritse Megbele the Agbueju of Warri Kingdom was on a visit to the United Kingdom with his new and fourth wife Mrs. Tsainomi Ayo Megbele.

After my mothers’ death I received a massage from my father in Nigeria through Mrs. Comfort Iyinboh from Delta state I should not travel to Nigeria for my mothers’ funeral.

No reason was given why I should not be in Nigeria for my mother’s funeral at Ibadan in Oyo state I became distress. I called my immediate elder brother Mr. Omagbemi Oluwagbenga Megbele when I heard my father was about to pay his second visit to the UK after our arrival back into the UK just after mother’s death; I told him I would not let my father enter my council flat.

On my father’s visit to my flat with my brother Mr. Omagbemi, I did not let my father into my flat after which I began feeling unusual, feelings of insecurity. I found myself wandering with long walks but not confused as to where, I was going. It was as if I was carrying great rituals of (Etutu or Ebo) into heaven. Etutu or Ebo in Yuroba means sacrifices to solve problems or suffering. We all know what sacrifice is the giving up or foregoing of some valued thing for the sake of something of greater value or having a more pressing claim. The most complex form of sacrifice one can give is change. Most of us are yet to realize that the spiritual realm like the physical one requires some sort of giving in order to receive.

After the incident at my blocks of flat, about three or four months later without seeing my brother he visited me with a lady friend Ms. Nwamaka now Mrs. Nwamaka Megbele, it was my first time of seeing her and I never knew they were coming; I was not sure of myself of what was going on around me or what was wrong with me.

The same thing happened on this their visit to my flat I would not let my brother and his lady friend into my flat.

One morning as I was walking down to the Woolwich Spray street job centre after my early morning job at the club by Woolwich New Road a police vehicle with two police officers pulled up just by me without asking any question pulled me into their vehicle and drove off.

They took me to the Greenwich hospital at Vanbrugh Hill; after a few discussions with the receptionist, they took me into its mental health ward. This was in 1995 where I was diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic.

I find it difficult believing am going through what I was going through at the time, in spite of it, I did not believe I still had the strength to coup and recap with my every thoughts and feelings which were always sober.

Then I began writing about thing that has happened to me from my childhood as a schizophrenic with premature birth.

I feel fortunate having the opportunity to come out with these epilogues of my life regardless of my illness if I do not come out with it, nobody would know or tell. Have you ever in your life thought of whatever you deed or went through when you were a kid that wasn’t right and wasn’t your fault?

Have you ever thought in your life you had to pay the price for a wrong that was not your fault when you reminiscence? If it’s all gone wrong for you, it’s about time you sit down and tell I told myself one afternoon, it’s all up to me at least I would know if it had been my fault or if, they weren’t mine.

I find myself talking to myself in my sleep and when am awake from my sleep, I hear voices telling me to do things to herm myself, make myself inferior or adhere to what they tell me to do. Each day I find myself going through different stages without knowing if they are mental health issues or not, I find myself feeling depressed with less control of myself are they as a result of my schizophrenia which, I do not wholly accept I believe what is left of me and my appearance is myself residual self image comprising of my digital self. Any one walking along the street, would take me like any other individual walking in our street in London while at the same time I long for people to realise that I have been scotched nevertheless, I pose myself to live as any other normal person would.

I consider I have to reform my digital self so that no one would notice the inconsistencies attached to my mental illness, I have programmed my physically and spiritually to up-hold myself against the beast that rules and exist within me.

My mind and soul seek to live within my very body because it suits my purpose. It’s for a reality having an assurance to completely divest myself with nothing left of me, but just my residual self image, could this be why I am a paranoid schizophrenic?.

The illness has an attribute of making a sufferer live a life of abnormalities such as being senseless to the right applicable things or attitude that are customary when, they are required to be applied in once daily life, they way you view the world its people and its environment. It is often initiated by other people in certain aspects of the illness this can be ascertained by feeling their presence, aura, and mirage or through hearing their voices in such case try to understand the spirit level in which they present or portray themselves.

A dreadful feeling if you care to outlive the illness is you live in fear you cannot control yourself only if you are well-disposed to yourself and to others, having feelings for the safety of your life or wellbeing having such temperament is a good start if one is to outlive or capable of managing with the illness the most dreadful part is that as much as you try the situation are always seems uncertain for the rest of once life.