This Constant Fight


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175 in stock


By Simon Russell

ISBN: 978-1-78382-219-5
Published: 2015
Pages: 135
Key Themes: Mental Health, Depression, Bipolar, Manic Depression


This Constant Fight is a gripping roller coaster ride between the highs of mania and the lows of depression.

The autobiographical story is set over a twelve year period starting shortly after the new millennium. The author, who at the beginning is a successful businessman, experiences a series of manic psychotic highs that sees him getting into some extra-ordinary situations and meeting several celebrities including Victoria Beckham, the two times Oscar winner Sarah Miles and the celebrated hairdresser Adee Phelan. The mania leads to police detention centres, four sections and four admissions to secure psychiatric wards including two in psychiatric intensive care wards.

The highs soon turn to lows and during several episodes of chronic depression he loses all that is dear to him: – His marriage and relationship with his children; His job and career; His financial security ultimately leading to bankruptcy; The new love of his life; His confidence, self-respect and direction. During these lows he travels to Thailand with the intention of committing suicide.

This Constant Fight is not only a factual account of one person’s battle with manic depression but also a story of love and hate, success and failure, hope and tragedy and the constant and enduring pain that characterises this illness.

About the Author

My first encounter with mental illness was over seventeen years ago in the spring of 1996. I was diagnosed with chronic depression and admitted to a private clinic in Windsor. Looking for a quick fix that would enable me to return to work I had a course of ECT treatment. I did return to work in 1998 and then begun a series of highs and lows that would later be diagnosed as Bipolar Affective Disorder. Between 2001 and 2010 I had five episodes of mania and was sectioned and hospitalised on four occasions. Two of the four periods of hospitalisation were in psychiatric intensive care units. I had the same number of chronic lows but these were treated in the community with medication and cognitive therapies. I do not regret having this illness as I now believe I can help others and leave a legacy.

Book Extract

I drove back towards West Sussex. Simone’s wedding was close to Crawley and I decided that Horsham would be a good spot to explore.

After some searching I found a beautiful five star hotel, called South Lodge, in Lower Beeding, Just outside of Horsham. I booked the Ronnie Corbett suite which was set on two floors with the bathroom up a small flight of stairs. I stopped in Horsham and bought a boom box and fresh copy of Dido’s ‘no angel’.
The hotel is situated in beautiful grounds and I walked around for a couple of hours to while away the time until Simone was due to arrive in the early evening. I also drank and smoked heavily to try and calm my anxiety and stress. Strangely when I am high I can consume very large amounts of alcohol without getting drunk. In the depressed phase I don’t touch alcohol and smoke four or five cigarettes a day.

Simone arrived around seven and looked stunning in her wedding attire. She was full of beans and like me excited and high about the night ahead. It was the culmination of the five or six weeks since we had taken our first walk together.

She loved the suite and being a very witty and funny person herself found the fact that it was named after Ronnie Corbett appropriate and apt. We had a glass of champagne and toasted our achievement. Simone then had a bath and I sat with her chatting, stroking and washing her and filling our glasses.

After her bath we ordered room service and had dinner in the room. The sun had started to go down and a beautiful sunset was emerging in the distance.

After dinner I put the Dido cd on the boom box and we embraced and kissed and started to make love. Before I entered her, Simone asked me if I was sure that I wanted to go ahead with this and all that came with it. I was in no doubt and thrust into her. It was simply so amazing and special and we made a connection deep inside her that I had never felt with anyone else before or since. It was as if my penis found an inner cave that was a perfect fit and only I could enter.

During our love making Simone scratched my back raw. It was as if she was marking her territory so that I could not go back on my promise to leave Kim and be with her. She also exclaimed ‘’mine, mine’’ at one point as if she had won this enormous battle. This troubled and worried me as it seemed overzealous but she was an extremely passionate person who lived life to the full. She also had Italian blood in her and with it came a fiery personality.
We made love all night and were still exploring and searching each other when the sun came up the next morning. We both came many times simultaneously and it was obvious that we were compatible sexually. We didn’t sleep and finally had to tear ourselves apart from each other around nine. We bathed together and had breakfast before we headed off back to West Chiltington and our respective homes.


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