£5.00
175 in stock
By Debbie Hudson
ISBN: 978-1-84991-886-2
Published: 2012
Pages: 30
Key Themes: Mental Health, Family, Relationships, Asperger’s Syndrome
Description
The book is about my mental health issues and how they were faced and dealt with under the care and support of the Ward Matron and staff of a very nice Ward in a Mental Health Unit.
I self Harmed and had to go into the ward. I then had to face being emotionally damaged by bullies. These were dealt with, by having some therapy. I then realised that I hadn’t dealt with my Mother’s Death properly. I had some therapy.
I eventually went home. I had become institutionalised and it took quite a while to acclimatise, but I did eventually, without much help as the Social Workers failed me.
About the Author
I have had some Mental Health Issues.
I was badly bullied at School, College and Work. I only realised recently how emotionally damaged I was when as a patient at a Psychiatric Hospital, from which I have been recently discharged. It coloured my thinking and made me think unhealthily about myself, other people and the world. I lived a life of pleasing others and because I bottled my emotions up because I didn’t want to upset anyone, I resorted to harming myself.
My Mother died eight years ago and I also realised that I had not grieved properly. I hadn’t come to terms with the emotional loss. We were very close and I had not emotionally detached from her. She sheltered me from the world and when she died I didn’t know how to cope and I formed abnormal relationships with people.
Book Extract
Admission To Hospital
I was admitted in February 2010 after taking an overdose. At first I was really scared because I do not like change. I was rather non compliant. I felt all I could do was stay in bed, but I was made to get up. My Consultant said he would lock my bedroom door if I didn’t comply. I had no choice and it was for my own good. I kept sneaking back to my room only to be told that I had to come out. I was not amused and I was not very nice to anyone. I cannot really remember much of what went on in the 71/2 months I was there. All I remember was that I did self harm a few times. Near to the end I suddenly had the strength to get up and get my life back. I started doing my cross stitch and I even had the strength to go on the computer. I was more or less back to the nice kind Debbie that I wanted to be. I do regret being horrible to everyone. They were being cruel to be kind. I just had a problem adjusting to the way they dealt with me because I was not used to it and unbeknown to me I wanted them to be Mum. I then started to go home and that got longer and longer. I was finally discharged in September 2010.
Unfortunately I was readmitted 5 weeks later as the package of care did not materialise. I thought I had failed and hated myself.
Giving Up
I then developed an anxiety disorder and I didn’t know how to cope with it. I was always talking about it and people were getting fed up of me understandably. I hated myself I gave up and went to bed for 20 weeks. I had no love left in me for myself or for others. I was a right pain and I started to behave badly. I didn’t want to talk and I completely ignored everyone. I neglected my personal hygiene as well.
I had to be forced to shower. I used to protest and kick and say I didn’t want to have one. The Ward Matron said “I am not having this behaviour” I was really horrible and even told her that she was in the wrong job. I did get in the shower and I had to be told what to do. What could she do, I would have just stood there. Someone had to look after me as I certainly was not looking after myself. I am very grateful to her for this. I remember her saying “If we didn’t care we would not bother.”
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