The Essays of an Ex-Paranoid Schizophrenic


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Highrise, 56 Stories
By Milo S. Miles

ISBN: 978-1-84747-347-9
Published: 2008
Pages: 64
Key Themes: fiction, language, humour, social commentary, recovery from schizophrenia



These works illustrate the difference between the view commonly promoted by the gutter

press and the personal reality for me.

They show that violence can be absent from a sufferer’s behaviour while thoughts

promoting love, harmony, truth and peace are evident, leading to positive activities

appreciated by those lucky enough to witness and benefit from them.

A sense of humour is shown to be of paramount importance, which, together with good-

humour and forgiveness, blesses everyone.

It needs to be said that the stories are somewhat poetic and require concentration. They

need to be imbibed slowly and thoughtfully, like an old whisky. But, unlike liquor, after

spending some time on them one may become enlightened rather than befuddled.

About the Author

I was born in Hampshire in summer 1951 to dysfunctional parents. My maternal grandmother thought in 1930 that she wanted her recently deceased son to have died as she didn’t realize that she could want him to have not died. My mother copied her and later married my father who had issues over his own mother’s death that happened when he was 11 years old. My dead uncle’s existence was kept a secret from me until 1998, in addition my paternal grandmother was never talked about until then briefly.

In the 1950’s sensing that my maternal grandmother and mother thought they wanted someone to have died, I was afraid it was me that was the subject of these thoughts and, scared of being killed, decided I’d commit suicide as at least then I’d have control of the time, place and particular cause of my death. I deteriorated from there until 1978 when I exhibited paranoid behaviour and first entered a psychiatric hospital, as I came to blame my parents for real crimes committed in the ‘60’s and ‘70’s, that they were innocent of.

Being placed on Redeptin depot injection, I’ve continued on a depot injection ever since
though, for the past 24 years it has been Modecate medication.
I have undergone person-centred counselling for 13 years and, since the family secrets
were divulged in October 1998, have more rapidly, under the circumstances, recovered to
the extent were my medication is being reduced in amount, at the moment being 12.5mg.
of Modecate fortnightly and diminishing.

The form this recovery has taken has been implicit in replacing old, contemporaneous,
explanations for historic and current phenomena taking place with more correct, accurate
and truthful reasoning, based upon established facts.

Motivation was stimulated by the very unpleasant symptoms of schizophrenia which I
wanted to end. I harnessed this motivation with a personal philosophy which I created, a
sort of “moral code” to live by. This, together with a belief in forgiveness, led to
activities e.g. working in a “ halfway house” for the past 14 years and pursuing Karaoke
singing and also writing, which increase my self-esteem and therefore my strength to

Book Extract

Fortunately, fortuitous fortitude facilitated fascinating features in the sometimes contentious, often tendentious life and times of Ian Behan, who was basically bourgeois, living as he did in a bijou pied-a-terre mews residence not far from the distraction district of Soho in the English nation’s capital.

In the pursuit and chase for success in the voluntary rat-race, Ian was joined by Brett and Britt, a couple of middle-aged brats who had suffered arrested development and whose recovery and continued progress was retarded by their concentration on trivial drivel embracing escapism from themselves and others.

Employed in a betting shop, as the three were, they found preoccupation from finding philosophical answers to the important matters in life while responding to punters’ guesses over whoever or whatever would prevail, whenever there is uncertainty, as is the case with future events.

Although this regular routine was really rather remuneratively rewarding, the workers quality of life was seemingly shallow, despite a slightly superior standard of living, but, whereas Ian had insight into this as well as plans and aspirations that motivated him to change his course, B. and B. had lost their senses of self and, like a person who robs an off-licence taking a swig of his swag, they became oblivious to the ramifications of their actions and inactions, wasting time, reaping the wrong result.

Ambition to satiate greed is no substitute for an aim of self-enrichment through spiritual growth by considering complex moral and ethical dilemmas and resolving them to one’s satisfaction. Ian was aware of this and acted accordingly but Brett and Britt didn’t acknowledge their primary duty and deteriorated, continually becoming weaker.


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