The Edge of Crazy


SKU e-book Category

156 in stock


Life on the Borderline
By Lizzy Elvins

ISBN: 978-1-84747-630-2
Published: 2008
Pages: 109
Key Themes: aspersers/PDD, bipolar disorder, panic attacks, self-harm/ suicide, ADHD


This book provides a painfully honest experience of growing up not feeling ‘normal’ and the slow process of finally being listened to by professionals and eventually getting a diagnosis of Aspersers/PDD and ADHD. This book includes diary entries written from the time of first feeling ‘not normal’, it includes honest accounts of a teenager growing up in a world through confusion, frustration, dark moments, hurt, sorrow, mania, despair, drugs and suicide. This book provides hope for people going through the same slow process of getting a diagnosis and feeling alone and no one understanding you. And when you have got that diagnosis it tells of the mixed emotions and also relief and acceptance and that you can live a normal happy life with the diagnosis.

About the Author

Lizzy was born on October 9th 1987 at approximately 1.30pm weighing 7lb 14oz at the North Devon and District Hospital in Barnstaple. She was later named Laura Elizabeth Elvins, but on July 9th 1988 her parents decided they didn’t like the name Laura anymore, as there was loads of little girls called it, so from that day she’s been known as Lizzy. Lizzy grew up in a small town in south west England. She had a normal happy childhood, a stable loving family with lots of holidays and trips out; she is the middle child of three children. At the age of 13 she started feeling not ‘quite normal’ and went into a deep depression and suffered at the hands of bullies. At 13 she was prescribed anti-depressants, which she continued on until this day. Lizzy overdosed on them at the age of just 14. She had seen many psychiatrists over the years but felt she was just being passed around from doctor to doctor, she felt no one would listen, no one understood her, she felt she was not getting the help, support and answers she really needed. Psychiatrists were puzzled by some of her behaviours and a diagnosis was hard, some of the things that had been suggested to her over the years were bipolar disorder, OCD, tourettes, SAD, ADHD and mild autism. Through all the confusion and frustration Lizzy overdosed again when she was 19, it was after this psychiatrists began to listen. Lizzy had months and months of tests and questionnaires and was eventually given an official diagnosis of Aspersers/PDD and ADHD.

Doctors nurses, psychiatrists all seem to have the answers to what’s wrong with you, they know it all, you rely on them to make you better, and yes they possibly will, they know how to talk to you, give you the right tests, questionnaires, the right medication, diagnosis, who to refer you to etc… but what they don’t know is what’s really happening in your mind on a Daily basis, your thinking, your view of the world and how you see things, these are my thoughts and feelings of not quite feeling normal and finally being diagnosed with PDD/ Aspersers and ADHD.

Book Extract

Have you ever confused a dream with real life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been depressed? Or thought you’re still moving while sitting still? Have you ever told a lie and enjoyed it? Have you ever run a few miles just to punch a certain tree to let it all out? Have you ever sat on a swing in the pitch black for hours just swinging like a child because you feel safe?

Let me say this to all the people I have given abuse, hard times, shouted at, lost patience with, walked by and judged or ignored on my bad days, all those people who I wind up, annoy, laugh at, swear at, flatter and admire and presume to know like all you lot to, Because this is the nature of people, whatever our story, whatever we claim, if that’s what being crazy is then im senseless out of it, gone down the road wacko, no more no less, let me say this and then it can rest: have you ever stood in the street and wandered to yourself for not the first time about the relationship between the sky and the ground beneath your feet? And asked yourself why should we believe what we’re told from a young age, that the earth is spinning, yes, but that the clouds move to? Can you explain that time can move backwards and forwards and you can’t control it?

Have you ever had to listen to yourself say crazy things or watch yourself do crazy things and have no control? As what goes up may not come down? Doesn’t make any sense to me.

I am crazy. But maybe I’m not. Was I ever crazy? Maybe…or maybe life is. What is normal? Where do we draw the line?

Crazy isn’t being broken or swallowing a dark secret, its you or me amplified. When you don’t want to feel, death can seem like a dream, but actually seeing death… really seeing it and thinking about it makes dreaming about it seem fucking ridiculous.

Have you ever been in a world where time is distorted, chaos reigns and you have questions left unanswered, leaving a sense of helplessness and frustration? I don’t think you live; you just exist until it passes…. What do you feel right now? You look normal.


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