Rainclouds And Sunbeams


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175 in stock


By Sophie Marianne Bond

ISBN: 978-1-78382-047-4
Published: 2013
Pages: 47
Key Themes: Mental Health, Poetry, Bipolar Disorder

Book Description

This book, (Rainclouds and Sunbeams in Bipolar) is my reflection of how I live with Bipolar and disability with appropriate medication to manage both conditions. My life now has its ups and its downs; times when I cry myself to sleep or scream at the world, reflected in ‘Rainclouds’; and times when I rejoice or laugh hysterically, reflected in ‘Sunbeams’ and, of course, plenty of ‘in-betweens’.

This second book has a different tone to my first book, (My Bipolar Moonlight Angel) which was mostly angry and sombre. This book was compiled over several years, and during that time, I have started seeing a new counsellor called T who is helping me to live my life much more positively than my previous counsellor. I have a lot to thank her for and look forward to our weekly sessions. Although T wasn’t working with me at the beginning of this book, she was towards the end of it.

Therefore, I also dedicate this book to T as well as Hayley (who is my angel).

I am still going through really difficult times with my family but I am learning, now, that I have to make a life for myself, as best I can, regardless and not waste any more years of my life self-harming, being an alcoholic and taking overdoses every five minutes as I was when I wrote ‘Moonlight Angel’.

I am coming to terms with my physical disability where the nerve roots going into my spine are damaged, leaving me unable to walk or care for myself. I am very grateful for the care that I receive and maintain a positive attitude. Basically, I just get on with my life, regardless, through many trials and tribulations. I refuse to be beaten or knocked down any more. Theirs is always hope and sometimes we just have to hang on to that.

About the Author

Sophie Marianne Bond was born in 1957, the eldest of four sisters. She grew up in London, gaining entry to a Girls’ Grammar School at the age of thirteen. After she left there, she spent a year training to become a Secretary at a London College which secured her a good job as a Secretary to the Managing Director of a large store in the West End of London. She remained there until 1977 when she left at the age of twenty to marry a man who turned out to be abusive and following two children, the marriage ended seven years later.

Sophie’s life, from a very young age, had been nothing but one of abuse; mental, physical and sexual including a long period of incest. Her mental health problems began in her teens and her first experience of being sectioned and admitted to a psychiatric hospital was in 1988. She was then admitted both in 1996 and 1998 with severe anorexia. After this, followed a very long period of mental health problems including Bipolar, Personality Disorder, anxiety, panic attacks, severe agoraphobia, numerous suicide attempts and self-harm.

After many, many years of therapy, she began to make a little progress. At the current time, Sophie is now physically disabled, using a wheelchair but her life has improved a reasonable amount. She lives alone now and spends much time following her main passion; writing. This book is her second book of mostly poetry but shows both the dark and light side of mental illness, hence the title which reflects this, along with the illustration on the front cover going from dark on one side and light on the other. Sophie has now written over 500 poems and has started on her third book.

Sophie is now seeing a different counselor, following her father’s death, who is having a much more positive influence on Sophie’s life. She thanks her sincerely. She hopes this book shows that there is life both during and after severe mental illness.

Book Extract


It’s ok to believe that it’s ok to cry
When folk say “pull yourself together”
When you have storms in your head
And you are desperate for calm

When your mood drops below sea level
And all you can see are rain clouds
Not the rainbow in the sky
And you feel the northerly wind blow

When you are low and sinking into the mire
When you are in need of a hug
And your need is akin to that of a child’s
Yet there’s no-one there to reciprocate
The world seems dark, without stars
All you see is the tunnel at the end of the light
The moon has turned her face away from you
And hope seems so very far into the distance

You despair of ever being ‘alive’ again
Or happy (in the normal sense of the word)
You wonder if you’ll ever see the sunbeams
As our planet continues to orbit.


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