Phantom Cries


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1000 in stock


A Personal Journey of Psychotic Post Natal Depression

By Stacey Dukes

Published: 2019
Pages: 115
Key Themes: Mental Health, PTSD, Diary, Anthology, post natal depression, Survival


In 2012 Stacey, a qualified Mental Health Nurse had her first book published called Poems of Life: When Words are Difficult. However, this time she has decided to go in a different direction with her book writing. Since writing her poetry book, Stacey has experienced her first ever hospital admission which was at a Mother and Baby Psychiatric Unit and almost sectioned after developing Psychotic Post Natal Depression. During this admission she was also diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder Type 2 and Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder. Within this book Stacey discusses her struggles of coming to terms with her diagnosis and how it physically and emotionally proved difficult for her loved ones too.,br.

About the Author

‘I’m not a good enough mum’
‘This isn’t how I thought I’d feel’
‘I love my baby but just want to runaway’
‘I can’t think straight and just want to sleep all the time’

If you recognise any of the statements above, you could be experiencing Post Natal Depression. I want to say this very early on in this book that you are certainly not alone. The fact I am even writing this book certainly demonstrates that. Many new mothers can develop post-natal depression, and some aren’t even aware they have it. Like any book my journey of developing Post Natal Depression has a beginning middle and end with all the bits in between. Some friends and family have asked me many times whether I found it difficult to write this book. The honest answer is yes and no. It has been hard because I’m reliving the parts of what I remember when I was severely poorly, and I also go into depth about things I would rather not delve into. On the brighter side it has been useful to get everything out on paper and share my story with others which is my main aim here. In ways I feel it has given me some closure as I realise what happened back then is in the past. I do still have Post Natal Depression and have relapsed since being discharged from hospital. However, thankfully I don’t have the psychotic symptoms anymore. Despite some setbacks, I’m finally beginning to enjoy being a mum and you will begin to too if you haven’t started already.

Book Extract

There is no written manual to follow when you enter parenthood. It would be so much easier if there was but in a harsh reality that isn’t the case.

For me I feel motherhood has been a course of trial and errors, and it still is especially with being a first-time mother. So many others can give you advice and help give solutions, but eventually you find your own ways to deal with and do things. One main message I hope to bring in this book is for you to know it is ok to talk and share how you feel no matter how bad it is. Life is full of ups and downs and so is becoming a parent. Being honest about how you feel is so important and this is one thing that took me a long time to learn. Nobody can help you if you don’t find your voice and shout ‘no I’m not ok’. Those who have not ever experienced post-natal depression cannot fully understand what it’s like to live with it daily. They can try to understand but they never fully will. You may even be thinking this right now.
I know first-hand from experience what it is like to live with the thoughts and feelings of being a failure and questioning my every move as a mum. Unfortunately, I know all too well how it feels to slip down that very dark road to the point of attempting suicide, and then to feel suicidal again soon after having my daughter. The emotional turmoil and torture that takes up every second of your day leading to self-neglect and even neglect of the baby. We didn’t ask to feel this way, nor do we want to feel this way. Learning what post-natal depression is (with or without psychotic features) and how it can be managed will really help you move forward. This book is aimed for you to do just that: live and not just exist. Your partners will also gain insight into what it’s like to live with this illness as I have written a specific chapter for just for them.


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