£12.00
100 in stock
By Judith Haire
ISBN: 9781847477927
Published: 2008
Pages: 138
Key Themes: autobiography, dysfunctional family experience, abusive marriage, psychosis, recovery,
Description
“Don’t Mind Me” is Judith Haire’s vivid account of the terrors she experienced while in the throes of psychosis. She describes how her dysfunctional family background and her abusive first marriage combined to bring her to the brink of insanity. Her remarkable and sustained recovery is told in great detail. “Don’t Mind Me” is an extraordinary story and shows how Judith battled through her devastating illness and emerged a stronger and more resilient woman.
About the Author
Judith Haire was born in 1955 and worked for several years before graduating in Politics from Sheffield University. Afterwards she spent eleven years working in the civil service, in a variety of roles. At 37 she experienced an acute psychotic episode which was to change her life radically. She lives in Kent with her husband Ken and their eccentric cat, Smudge. Judith had her first article published in Mental Health Practice magazine in 2007. “Don’t Mind Me” is her first book.
Book Extract
Introduction
The phone rang and I screamed. I was filled with terror. My heart began to pound and I started to shake. In my confused mind I had become the deaf dumb and blind boy in “Tommy” a film that had captivated me many years before. I moved my limbs in a stilted and robotic way. I was no longer myself. I was in a different world, the world of psychosis. I was trapped and could not find my way out.
It was l993 and I was thirty-seven. I was entering a severe psychotic episode and this was to change my life forever. I need to take you back to my beginnings and describe how my life unfolded and how the many traumatic events which befell me made this terrifying illness almost inevitable.
Chapter One: Beginnings
I was born in Kent in December l955. My mother had met my father at teacher training college and instantly fallen for his charm. She loved him intensely but he said he would never marry her. My mother became pregnant.
She told me many years later that she had been put under great pressure to have sex and on that particular occasion she knew it was a fertile time of the month for her and neither she nor my father had any contraceptives with them. My father ignored her worries and continued to put pressure on her, saying he would kill himself if she did not have sex with him there and then. She found the pressure too much to resist.
Because my father was studying for exams she hid her pregnancy selflessly for several months and when she eventually told him all hell let loose. His mother insisted it was a deliberate act to trap him into marriage. My father broke down and demanded I was aborted.
My mother felt an overwhelming sense of duty and responsibility and decided there was no option for her but to marry my father. The wedding took place at the end of July l955. My mother had just turned twenty and my father was twenty three.
Once my mother went to live with my father in his parents’ house she saw a totally different side to him. His fury at having to marry her manifested itself in a regime of punishment – moody silences, cruelty and snide remarks. Once I was born, life became even worse for my mother. My father’s abuse of my mother was always unpredictable and would usually occur in the winter months, with sudden unprovoked bouts of rage. My father acted as though I did not exist. He ignored my presence totally. We all shared a bedroom. My mother said those first four years were hell.
My paternal grandmother Maud was, I think, torn in her loyalties and turned a blind eye to her son’s awful behaviour towards my mother, while she was pregnant with me and after I was born. My mother was frightened of my father and vividly recalls her unwilling compliance to have sex when he was in a rage.
My parents decided that if I was born with dark hair they would name me Juliet and if I was born with fair hair, Judith. I was born with golden red hair actually. My second name is Frances. When I was very young my father would tease me that I was baptised “Cess.” My surname was Pool and I felt hurt by this comment.
My mother was dreadfully unhappy cooped up in one room and living in her in-laws’ house. She would often stand looking out of the window, crying and wishing she could be somewhere different.
From what she has said in later years, she certainly never regretted giving birth to me. It was the marriage to my father that she bitterly regretted as it brought her so much pain and unhappiness.
She tried her best to leave my father when I was four months old, taking me in my pram, her belongings hidden inside, but did not get very far before she was consumed with guilt about deserting him and made her way back home.
She had planned to travel to Dorset to live with her mother and father. To the rest of the world my father was charming and nice but to my mother he was not.
Only logged in customers who have purchased this product may leave a review.
ANDREA MOORE (verified owner) –
An amazing author delving into reasons for her descent into psychosis. This book makes compelling reading and is very inspirational.
Jean Davison (verified owner) –
This is a very readable book that kept me interested from beginning to end. The vivid and convincing descriptions of how it felt to be in the grip of psychosis shed light on this disturbing condition. It helped me to understand something of the stark terrors of hallucinations, how it feels when a sensitive, imaginative mind turns against itself.
Judith’s mental distress is not surprising considering the harrowing experiences she went through prior to her eventual ‘breakdown’. Showing strong tenacity of spirit, she gets up every time she is knocked down. Her resilience is uplifting.
Judith writes with clear-sighted candour and courage about deeply troubling issues. I feel this book took me alongside her on a journey through despair to triumph, picking up invaluable insights along the way. This is an enriching book, well worth reading, and I hope it will be read by sufferers and survivors of mental distress, carers, mental health workers, anyone interested in mental health, and, indeed, anyone at all who likes a good, thought-provoking read.
Wendy Shaw (verified owner) –
What an inspirational book of one brave lady’s descent in phychosis and how she came through it.
Kath Lloyd (verified owner) –
A remarkable book by a remarkable woman. Judith Haire shares her story of an abusive childhood and first marriage with candid and compelling story-telling. Her accounts of successive periods of psychosis and recovery provide an invaluable insight into mental distress. Altough the book is hard reading at times, ultimately it is a positive tale of a woman surviving mental illness. Judith is now happily married and currently in good health and is systematically taking back all that was denied to her earlier in life. This book and others like it should be complulsory reading. Maybe then people with mental distress will begin to see barriers and stigma removed, and to be treated with the diginity and respect we all deserve. Thank you for telling us your story Judith.
Kath Lloyd
Caroline Bull (verified owner) –
This moving account of a bright and talented girl who is struck down by the sudden onset of mental illness in her 30s is sometimes brutal and always compelling. Judith explores her own perspectives and those of her family and friends honestly, in detail and with deep feeling. Her determination to win through against all odds and to find the happiness and fulfillment she has now achieved is awe-inspiring
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
Judith Haire has written a personal account of her mental illness in a style that is clear, honest and courageous. This makes her experience easy to relate to, whilst some of the sections were very thought-provoking.
Often, I was not able to put the book down. Judith tells her powerful story with great dignity. There is also much to concern us here about the way we view, and treat, people with mental illness. Yet, at other times it made almost effortless reading as I was able to dip in and out of it depending on how I was feeling. I found Don\’t Mind Me an excellent book that offers the reader reassurance, hope, inspiration and practical help.
Review by Di Morris, Your Voice Magazine, Rethink. Spring 2009
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
If you have no experience of mental health then this is a book that will convey the reality of people\’s lives breaking down, apparently irretrievably, yet still they pick up the pieces. If you are already familiar with mental health, then this is not only a moving story, but a useful reminder of what difficulties some people will face in their lives and how they can have the courage to carry on regardless.
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
“As I struggle to make sense of (make sensible inferences from) the data, I hope to find that my previous body of knowledge and misinformation gets disturbed and enriched” (Wengraf 2000, p.11).
James Wood (2008, p.56) asks “Is specificity in itself satisfying?” in his study of Don Scotus’ ideas of ‘thisness’ or haecceitas, in authorship; he believes it is. Thisness is all through Judith Haire’s harrowing account. With her matter-of-fact opening sentence lacking the expected exclamation mark (‘The phone rang and I screamed.’), Haire opens up a narrative that is both compelling and horrifying.
Even bearing in mind the caveat of ‘reductionism’ in ‘autobiographical texts’ (Clandinin & Connelly, 2000, p.142), we find ourselves quickly and effortlessly taken into young Judith’s nightmare world, where she is a trapped witness to her parents’ loveless and violent marriage; and we find ourselves driven to read page after page, as her life unfolds with almost predictable results.
Although her narrative exudes thisness, her reality, on almost every page, she does glance at the supernatural world once (‘Just recently for no reason at all the framed photo of their headstone fell off my bookshelf’, p.18), but this merely acts to further illuminate her humanity, and so enhances the believability of her story.
Over all, this is a story of hope that celebrates a survivor, and also holds lessons for practitioners. It is not hedged about with apologies but paints a picture of a difficult life clearly and naturally (Strunk & White, 2000, p.70), avoiding jargon and ‘fancy words’ (Ibid., p.76).
Haire is clear when her care has fallen below par at times, and also clear when it has been beneficial. As such, I would not hesitate to recommend this book to mental health care professionals as well as to fellow sufferers, relatives and carers, and hope that practises benefit and stigma reduce as a result.
Reviewed by Journal of Psychiatric and Mental Health Nursing
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
Not a misery memoir but a story of courage and hope
Dorothy Rowe, Clinical Psychologist and Writer
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
This is clearly a most useful first person account of psychosis
Professor Chris Frith, Institute of Neurology, University College, London
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
Judith Haire has written an invaluable account of her life and of her descent into psychosis. Don’t Mind Me is recommended for anhone wishing to gain an insight into mental illness. People with mental health problems and mental health professionals will find it truly inspiring – as will anyone.
Maggie Gallant, Rethink Mental Health Charity
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
Don’t Mind Me is testament to one woman’s courageous battle to overcome mental breakdown and domestic violence and claim her happiness. An inspiration for anyone wanting to understand the issues and possible roots of mental illness.
Julie Aldridge, State Registered Art Therapist
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
Gripping, harrowing and very brave account of what it is to experience mental illness and to overcome it
University Of The Third Age
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
It is always heartening to read accounts of recovery. Judith’s story is a valuable reminder that it is users themselves who have to shape their personal journey.
Terry Bamford, Director SPN Social Perspectives Network
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
For all mental health professionals this patient insight can help us to provide a good practice for our patients and understand what they are going through aside from the mental illness. This insight can also help other people whether they be sufferers of mental illness or a family or friend of a person who suffers.
Rikki Macdonald DipHE Mental Health Nurse
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
Inspiring and informative – this is recommended for all nursing professionals
Heather Robinson RNA
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
Writing in vivid and candid detail Judith Haire shares her traumatic life experiences and her journey to wholeness. Her work encourages a more compassionate approach towards understanding distressed individuals.
Dr Dan L Edmunds Ed D
International Center for Humane Psychiatry, USA
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
Judith’s journey back to health is both thought provoking and insightful. I recommend this book to all those who are caught in the dreary slog of trying to cope with mental health problems. It catalogues this and the more dramatic entry and exit from psychosis. An easy book to read and one that shows that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Sue Sterling, Chartered Clinical Psychologist
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
Judith’s experiences of human rights abuses, ranging from close family members to those of the ‘caring’ professions, illustrates the insidious nature from which little if any recourse is found. It was simply her tenacity and determination that eventually pulled her through
Paul P. Fletcher LLB (Hons)
Executive Director, CCHR London
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
I found it very well written, indeed hard to put down, and extremely moving. This kind of personal testimony is so important in training mental health professionals and I shall certainly recommend it to students when I have the opportunity
Professor Glenys Parry, Centre for Psychological Services Research, University of Sheffield
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
Open Up Recommends… Don’t Mind Me by Judith Haire
Judith Haire’s powerful account of her mental health experiences is now out in paperback. This moving book documents Judith’s experience of depression, violence and abuse and her descent into and subsequent recovery from, psychosis.
Open Up
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
What an achievement – I thought it was a courageous and cathartic book. We all need our own narrative to fully develop and move forward emotionally and those of us who have witnessed domestic violence or experienced trauma and violence have ‘rupture’ but experience no ‘repair’ to our inner story of our selves.
If violence and trauma occurs when we are young we are often left confused or self blaming which forms the deep but mistaken belief that there must be something wrong with us. This can often form the foundation for future depression and self hate. Writing a personal history is bound to be challenging and may well be different to how others experienced it – they were not in our shoes and it is necessary to make a joined up version of our story if we are to make sense of our past.
Adrienne Ayres
Mental Health Specialist for Looked After Children
MA, Dip Couns. Dip Family Therapy
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
Chipmunkapublishing describes itself as ‘the mental health publisher’ and I was intrigued as much by the publisher as by what I was reading. But more about that later. Don’t Mind Me is written by a survivor in two senses of the word – of the mental health system and of life itself.
The book takes us through the major events of Judith Haire’s life and introduces her relationshiips, some of which, particularly those with key male figures, are difficult. She describes extreme incidences of abuse, including rape, emotional abuse and gross physical violence. Yet Judith describes uplifting and helpful relationships and events, striking a balance between ups and downs, positives and negatives, stress and caring. I was struck by the rawness of the text and felt at first that some descriptions of other people were so subjective as to be questionable. However, the book does not claim to be objective, it is simply an honest personal account. As a mental health professional, I am used to looking at things from all sides and I found myself wanting to know more about the sub-characters, to hear more of their voice. But I was missing the point, which is that it is Judith talking about her emergence from trauma and psychosis, and how she saw other people through the frame of her experience. Once I realised this I was able to truly engage with her story – I read the book in two sittings and found it well worth the effort. Which brings me to the publisher. Its ethos stems from a belief that mental health survivors have a unique take on the world. I have had clients, now and in the past, who would have related and found comfort in Judith’s book. I am sure you will find the same.
Geoff Brennan is nurse consultant -psychosocial interventions at Prospect Park Hospital
Mental Health Practice Magazine
September 2009
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
This is a compelling Memoir of one woman’s journey through life’s difficulties. Judith offers a touching and honest account of her struggle with her own emotional turbulence from childhood. She captures the pain and suffering experienced from her father’s abusive relationship towards her, whilst displaying how we, as humans, revert back to old patterns of behavior learnt in childhood by discussing her relationship with her first husband.
She describes her difficulties which lead to her psychotic experience in her 30’s, her recollection of being sectioned and her encounters with E.C.T. She discusses how psychoses debilitated her, reflects on the treatment which she received and how she continues her journey through life, displaying the sheer inner strength and determination which if read can be of inspiration to others.
She talks not only of her sadness but also of her achievements whilst recognizing humor to be a valuable source of recovery and how recovery is a slow, painful yet liberating experience for those dare turn and face their difficulties.
What I would hope comes from this is for professionals and non-professionals alike to realize that Mental deterioration is not something that one suffers when life is harmonious and instead rears it head when life becomes fraught with difficulties.
Victoria DIPHE MH Nursing
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
I found this a very moving, honest and realistic account of Judith’s life. I found the style of writing easy to read and the pace of the book was good, in fact, once I started, I had to contiue reading until I reached the end. It was un-put-downable…..:). Thank you for offering this to the world Judith and for your unquenchable spirit in life.
Donna Curtis
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
Don’t Mind Me is written by a survivor in two senses of the word – of the mental health system and of life itself. The book takes us through the major events of Judith Haire’s life and introduces her relationships, some of which, particularly those with key male figures, are difficult. She describes extreme incidences of abuse, including rape, emotional abuse and gross physical violence.
Yet Judith describes uplifting and helpful relationships and events, striking a balance between ups and downs, positives and negatives, stress and caring. I was struck by the rawness of the text and felt at first that some descriptions of other people were so subjective as to be questionable. However, the book does not claim to be objective, it is simply an honest personal account.
As a mental health professional, I am used to looking at things from all sides and I found myself wanting to know more about the sub-characters, to hear more of their voice. But I was missing the point, which is that it is Judith talking about her emergence from trauma and psychosis, and how she saw other people through the frame of her experience. Once I realised this, I was able to truly engage with her story – I read the book in two sittings and found it well worth the effort. Which brings me to the publisher. Its ethos stems from a belief that mental heath survivors have a unique take on the world. I have had clients, now and in the past, who would have related and found comfort in Judith’s book. I am sure you will find the same.
Geoff Brennan is nurse consultant – psychosocial interventions at Prospect Park Hospital
Mental Health Practice Magazine, September 2009
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
Don’t Mind Me is a detailed account of one woman’s passage through childhood neglect, her experience of routinely bearing witness to her tortured mother and her raging father. It details her ensuing tumble into domestic abuse, financial insecurity and sexual infidelity. Most importantly, she describes her experiences in the throes of debilitating waves of psychosis – with the author eventually emerging scathed by side-effects and stigma. The text spawns an interesting discussion of the impact of environmental stressors on the onset and progression of psychotic illness.
The pinnacle of this memoir is her ‘psychotic experience’. The selections of preceding incidents in childhood act as primers, with the later text representing resolution which is tainted with the real possibility of relapse. Haire documents well the insidious approach of her psychosis. She provides us with insight into the early workings of a mind journeying into psychotic break-down. Loss of appetite, boundless energy coupled with lack of sleep and inappropriate emotional reactions, ranging from heightening fear progressing through to paranoia function as indicators to the clinical student. Haire further offers colourful details of overwhelming auditory and visual hallucinations. The resultant abrupt detriment and immense loss of confidence holds in stark contrast with the initial build up to psychosis, which adds further emotional impact to the account.
The latter part of the text illustrates recovery from psychosis and generates interesting clinical pointers for medical trainees and professionals alike. The author’s meticulous attention to the recollection of minor clinical details indicates the crucial role appropriate and empathic professional behaviour plays in patient recovery; ‘The surgeon said ‘well done’ to me…’. Conversely, the consequences of inadequately informing patients – ‘If only I had been warned of the possibility; perhaps I could have made different choices’ may be regarded by some readers as particularly poignant reminders of the extent of influence health professionals hold over a patient’s healthcare options.
Altogether a recommended text; certainly as a support manual for patients identifying with issues of abuse and mental illness and secondly for medical trainees desiring further understanding of psychiatric symptoms, associated life implication, and the role of health professionals.
Institute of Psychiatry
Student Newsletter
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
think it would be very good idea for mental health professionals to read Judith Haire’s book. It would give an insight to what can happen to someone before their break down. You would not fail to empathise with her situation and others’ situations. I think it would make professionals look at people for who they are and what they have been through and not just as patients. Wendy Wilson IMHA
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
Judith Haire’s autobiography, published by mental health publishing specialists Chipmunkapublishing, is a brief but moving account of one woman’s traumatic childhood, her horrifically abusive first marriage and experience of rape, and her descent into psychosis.
This book is positive and inspiring despite the difficult subject areas it covers, and Haire’s focus is very much on recovery and survival. It is this focus that makes it of so much relevance to practising clinicians and students who may see repeated episodes of psychosis as an intractable illness – certainly not something that one can recover from.
Furthermore, her account of psychosis – in particular, her experience of hallucinations, medication and side effects, and the manner in which staff’s attitudes impacted upon her mental state – is striking. Haire’s depiction of her terrifying experiences inform the reader about far more about how it feels to experience such episodes than can ever be available in a clinical textbook.
Furthermore, the reader can sense the catharsis that came through writing this book, which Haire acknowledges – a testimony to the value of creative writing if ever there was one.
Charlotte Baker
University of Nottingham
Madness and Literature Review
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
Judith Haire’s autobiography, published by mental health publishing specialists Chipmunkapublishing, is a brief but moving account of one woman’s traumatic childhood, her horrifically abusive first marriage and experience of rape, and her descent into psychosis.
This book is positive and inspiring despite the difficult subject areas it covers, and Haire’s focus is very much on recovery and survival. It is this focus that makes it of so much relevance to practising clinicians and students who may see repeated episodes of psychosis as an intractable illness – certainly not something that one can recover from.
Furthermore, her account of psychosis – in particular, her experience of hallucinations, medication and side effects, and the manner in which staff’s attitudes impacted upon her mental state – is striking. Haire’s depiction of her terrifying experiences inform the reader about far more about how it feels to experience such episodes than can ever be available in a clinical textbook.
Furthermore, the reader can sense the catharsis that came through writing this book, which Haire acknowledges – a testimony to the value of creative writing if ever there was one.
Madness and Literature Network
LORRAINE ELLIS (verified owner) –
I feel Judith’s work gives a valuable insight into mental illness . It draws attention to a subject that is still often considered taboo. I feel this book helps to take away the stigma attached to this illness as it shows that anyone can be affected by mental health problems at any given time in the same way that anyone can become physically ill.
This book would not only be invaluable to professionals working in this field but to also anyone else with an interest in Mental health. Particularly those who have suffered in this way as this book will help them to feel that their not so alone. Being a sufferer myself I felt that this book is a true account of psychosis and I could really relate to it.
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
I feel Judith’s work gives a valuable insight into mental illness . It draws attention to a subject that is still often considered taboo. I feel this book helps to take away the stigma attached to this illness as it shows that anyone can be affected by mental health problems at any given time in the same way that anyone can become physically ill.
This book would not only be invaluable to professionals working in this field but to also anyone else with an interest in Mental health. Particularly those who have suffered in this way as this book will help them to feel that they are not so alone. Having been a sufferer myself, I felt that this book is a true account of psychosis and I could really relate to it
Lorraine Ellis
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
Don’t Mind Me – Judith Haire
I take my hat off to Judith Haire for being so brave and putting pen to paper to write her book Don’t Mind Me published by Chipmunkapublishing
In fact it must have taken a lot of guts and a huge amount of honesty for Judith tell her, at times, heartbreaking story.
This is the story of an amazing woman who has survived a traumatic life. One that would have finished many of us! But she proves that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Judith’s book is a must read. Not just for mental health professionals but anyone going through a similar situation. It will also help the family and friends of loved ones who may be going through it too.
I totally concur with Dorothy Rowe, Clinical Psychologist and Writer, who said of Don’t Mind Me:
‘Not a misery memoir but a story of courage and hope’
Ellen Dean
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
The stigma of mental ill health is an on-going problem in the UK (as it is all over the world) which makes Don’t Mind Me a very brave book indeed. Judith Haire writes candidly and openly about her experiences of a dysfunctional childhood and subsequent abusive marriage and how this led to episodes of psychosis and mental distress. Even by those working within the mental health field, psychosis is often misunderstood and feared. People who suffer from any form of psychosis can feel particularly isolated because of this. Judith Haire has taken the very brave step of describing in a very honest way what she experienced and how it affected not only her own life, but the lives of her family and friends. Judith’s journey is inspirational. Told with warmth, humour and wit as well as searing honesty, you will not regret reading about her amazing life.
Het Payne
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
This is a unique account of Judith’s personal battle with mental health issues. As a psychologist I found the book extremely useful as a teaching tool for students trying to understand mental illness. It is also an inspiring read on an individual’s capacity to survive and thrive.
Lisa Doodson
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
Judith Haire
is a highly
educated woman
with a challenging
career. Don’t mind
me is a short, very
personal book
describing her acute
psychotic breakdown, attributed to a
dysfunctional childhood and abusive
marriage.
I struggled initially with the bald
style: it was like reading The diary of
a nobody, but without the wit and
humour. However, as I continued I
became gripped with curiosity to know
how the story developed. Haire’s early
feeling of being an outsider moved
me. I was mesmerised as she told how
she began to experience in adulthood
the violence and abuse she had been
subject to as a child. For onlookers
this pattern of repetition is hard to
understand, but by simply recounting
it, Haire lets us see how it happens.
She marries her husband out of ‘a false
sense of duty and fear’; she stays with
this shockingly abusive man out of
‘an enormous sense of responsibility’
and a need to ‘see things through’,
conditioned in her as a child.
Haire describes her encounters
with various psychological services.
She found psychiatry ‘remote and
uncaring’. The day hospital reinforced
the notion that she was ill; a day
centre was similarly unsatisfactory.
Some medication was helpful, but
she did not have enough information
about the best treatments and side
effects. Electroconvulsive therapy
she found ‘did work’. On developing
obsessive compulsive disorder, she
received cognitive behaviour therapy,
a ‘sticking plaster technique’ enabling
her to acknowledge painful experiences
without talking about them. For two
years she attended two weekly sessions,
which ‘really helped [to] overcome my
fears’. ‘The techniques I learned were
useful and have stayed in my mind’.
At one point she enters
psychotherapy for alcohol problems,
and there she enjoys dream work and
painting. A therapist becomes a ‘lifeline’
and recommends books that give her
insight into her relationships.
As a first-hand account of severe
mental illness Don’t mind me will be
valuable to all who deal with such
problems and experience them. An
appendix provides useful information
about self-help resources.
Beryl Crawford
Person centred counsellor and former
community psychiatric nurse
This review was published in the October 2009 issue of HCPJ (Healthcare Counselling and Psychotherapy Journal), published by BACP.
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
Don’t Mind Me is an important account of a one woman’s survival of domestic abuse and mental illness. Judith’s ‘voice’ should be heard, as it offers hope and inspiration to those who have experienced mental illness and abuses. Hers is a welcome voice breaking the silent taboo round domestic abuse and mental health issues.”
Louise Brown BEd(Hons) MA
Senior Practitioner in domestic abuse sphere
Refuge Manager
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
Mental illness is so misunderstood and stigmatised thanks to a general level of ignorance, but Judith’s very personal and harrowing account of her battle with mental illness and the depths of despair encountered are eye opening, giving the reader a terrific understanding of what it is to live with mental illness, and how it affects others, and how the victim is perceived by others.
Well written, Judith’s book is a must-read for anyone looking for a good understanding of mental illess.
Neil R
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
Don’t Mind Me by Judith Haire is a memoir about the deep descent into psychosis and the long struggle to find mental health in the aftermath. It is one woman’s true story of finding herself at the bottom of a well of insanity, with nothing but her own wits to get her to surface to sanity.
Ms. Haire describes a history of generations of hostile family relationships, including those of her grandparents. Then, she delves into the unsatisfying marriage of her parents, which made her feel unwanted. Her father’s moods alternated from violent to withdrawn, while her mother distanced herself from emotional commitment toward her child. Ms. Haire’s painful childhood left her bereft of the nurturing children require to grow to healthy adults. As is often the case, she repeats the patterns of helplessness and hopelessness by marrying a man who used and abused her. She described herself as “mentally destroyed.” Having no support, Ms. Haire became vulnerable to a psychotic break.
In Don’t Mind Me, Judith Haire describes the hell of psychological torment: “I imagined there was a nuclear war going on around me, I imagined my house would explode the next time I opened the front door.” How could she live a healthy life under that kind of mental pressure? The reader is taken on a journey of hallucinations that leads Ms. Haire to be as helpless as an infant in the “fetal position.”
Ms. Haire’s treatment appeared to lack compassion; she was often ignored, under-medicated, over-medicated, misunderstood, and isolated. It seemed to be the commitment of the patient herself that moved her mind through psychosis. Step by step she took on challenges that lead to a healthy life with a fulfilling relationship. She’s firm in her belief that even an unborn child can take on the stressors of the parents. This theory helps Ms. Haire to have compassion for herself.
Judith Haire says she found catharsis in writing Don’t Mind Me. She offers resources for mental health clinicians and patients alike. Most importantly, she shares a personal story that helps to reduce the stigma of mental illness by increasing the understanding society needs to protect vulnerable citizens.
Lynn C Tolson
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
This book tells a story of a woman name Judith Haire, a human being going through the heartache and tears of having dysfunctional relationships. Unlike many books that lack the information and process behind the recovery towards gaining oneself, Judith shares key details during and after the abuse. Don’t Mind Me is a book that should be in every house hold in America. When you read this book, you will agree and connect to similar abuse if you have ever been in an abusive relationship.
If you research the numbers, you will see that this is not an isolated problem in America. We are lucky that people like Judith Haire step up and write books like: “Don’t Mind Me” and open their souls to all of us. So we can connect to something further than the numbers and see how these issues can still be overcome through some of the steps she takes in this book. I applaud You for putting together something that can help change the dysfunctional patterns and prove that you can still have inner peace with out the mental scars.
Also applaud your sister Jane and your husband Ken for sticking by your side. Wish you the best and continue to be the advocate you are. You are a true role model.
Backinthegays
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
If I saw that in a cinema or rather as a short TV series, I would say the screenwriters went definitely far too far in their creativity and that so many bad things could not happen to one person. Obviously life writes its own tragic plays that sometimes are beyond belief.
The first thing that made me think deeper was the behaviour of mother, it was a typical example of the behaviour forced by the society and rules of that. For ages I have been interested in this matter, how much society, culture and religion cause harm in our lives through decisions we take based on the rules forced on us.. The obvious tragedy of a woman who, due to different reasons and decisions, put herself in dysfunctional relationship. I have written about the mother as father’s behaviour, sick and dysfunctional as it was, in my mind was tolerated by the society, especially in the 1950s.
I was very happy to read the part of the book from the perspective of a patient, what one can feel and think while observing the outside world, what thoughts and fears can go through one’s mind. That, sadly, also showed me how bad or not good enough the so called specialists are; how little do they know or rather want to feel to help the patient. How important it is for them to feel empathy, not only prescript medications, how important it is to be just humane when trying to cure a human.
To conclude – books like that and this one in particular are telling the story of people who went through hell, but managed to come back. Who were on their knees, but stood up. The book gives us hope that even in the darkest moments we may find the strength to get better and to change the life. The most important though it speaks openly about the problem that is somehow a taboo in any society, but touches countless lives all around the world. By reading the story of one woman, everybody can learn something about their own life too
Brygida Biedron
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
As I read through this well-written memoir, I have several thoughts. First, it is embarrassing and infuriating to consider the way Judith was treated by the medical staff. It was as though because she was experiencing mental health issues and not physical health issues, she was less than human and deserved no respect. Unfortunately, I have experienced this personally, and know first- hand that our society does judge these differences unfairly.
The second thought that strikes me after reading this book is that there but for the Grace of God could be any one of us given the right set of circumstances. “Don’t Mind Me” proves how one can overcome even the most horrific of mental illnesses and continue to look forward to a normal quality of life, provided they are willing to persevere.
I wondered in the beginning of the book at the reference made to the stress Judith’s mom was living with during her pregnancy, how, if at all, it effects the growing fetus, especially during those critical months when brain development occurs.
I appreciated, as a reader, how Judith kept this book uplifting despite the difficulties she was forced to endure in her life both as a child as well as an adult. The book definitely ends on a positive note, allowing the reader to realize that there is always hope. Judith sacrificed plenty along her path, but in the end overcame it all, with the support of both her family and husband. I love the way Ken stayed at her side during the first and then subsequent episodes with psychoses. He is a keeper!
E Isaksen
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
Powerful Story About Overcoming Neglect, Abuse and DV
Judith Haire’s memoir, Don’t Mind Me, spoke to me from the very start. A title like that says so much. It’s a theme that clearly helped her survive earlier times.
Don’t Mind Me was the first account I’d read about the experience of a psychotic break. Who isn’t curious about psychotic breaks. The memoir didn’t disappoint in the details of what it felt like and what happened, so we could come to our own conclusions.
Many “civilized” cultures carry a lot of fear and therefore stigma about mental illness, almost as if it were contagious and a sign of being bad or unintelligent. I’ve seen it in America, Europe, Taiwan and China. Yet, as Judith’s memoir shows, having a psychotic break has nothing to do with how good or intelligent you are. (And only some psychotic breaks are violent.)
Judith wrote that her psychotic breaks were the result of prolonged abuse and trauma. Reading her story, that makes sense. What soft-skinned sensitive machine could tolerate neglect and abuse without stopping functioning? Why would we expect humans to tolerate more?
Don’t Mind Me is a very good story about emotional neglect, and striving for accomplishment; emotional abuse and domestic violence in relationships; psychological breakdowns, followed by healing; more struggles and more healing, as the author rebuilds a good life.
It is also an important story, because there are all too few first person accounts of psychotic breaks.
Books with an important story need to be read, whether or not they are perfectly presented.
As a micropublisher, and editor of an online writers magazine, I know, by the standards of the book industry – no blemishes, no imperfections – that this book would be stronger with another round of edits and a bigger designer budget.
If you are someone who requires a perfectly edited and formatted book then pass on this one. But, keep in mind: book perfection is bought with big budgets. Many do not have the economic resources to polish a book to perfection. There are millions of stories that humanity can and needs learn from, from writers who don’t have the resources, and from publishers who are stretching to make the book happen. Millions of valuable, life-informing stories.
I found Judith Hare’s, Don’t Mind Me, compelling reading. I literally turned page after page wanting to know what would happen. Even though the editor in my mind was taking note of edits at first – a malady editors that have – it wasn’t long before I was engrossed in Judith’s life.
Judith Haire is well educated and intelligent. She has contributed to the understanding of mental health with her memoir and essays. Hers is a voice worth listening to, even if you respond to the topic of mental illness with fear and aversion. I am grateful to Judith for writing her story. Don’t Mind Me left me feeling uplifted, with a deep appreciation for Judith Haire’s courage and spirit.
Anora McGaha
Judith Haire (verified owner) –
Stressors leading to Mental Health Breakdown.
Judith has given a very brutal and frank account of her decline into her psychosis. Her story is spread over three phases of her life, childhood, adulthood and becoming her own person.This can only highlight the responsibility parents have into getting “it right” for their children. The stress Judith endured during her childhood appeared to dampen her own self value, not allowing her to enjoy three basic needs of life, comfort, love and safety. Her bleak story of unhappiness within the family appeared to exacerbate the co dependency she developed with the wrong people as an adult, in her aim to find happiness.
As a professional it brings home the importance of spending time with a person, you need not understand the intricacies of their psychosis, but giving the person a sense of security and understanding is paramount towards their journey to recovery.Throw into the equation; should Psychiatrists explain to their patients the known side effects of antipsychotics? Instead of taking a Paternalistic decision that could potentially devastate physical health at a later date. Perhaps this should be discussed with the family whilst the person is in such distress?
The most powerful aspect of Judith’s story was her ability to accept ownership of her mental health. Her decision to stop medication and facilitating her own discharge from Mental Health Services was a sign that at last, she has found the confidence and self worth that was suppressed in her for all those years.Stress appears to be the trigger in Judith’s decline in her mental health. Finally she has appeared to have found a way to cope with this. Judith has shared her remarkable success throughout her journey to recovery. A brave and courageous lady and I wish her a healthy life in the future.
Karen McDonald (BN Mental Health Nursing)