£2.00
107 in stock
By Julia Hope
ISBN: 978-1-905610-89-1
Published: 2006
Pages: 16
Key Themes: reactive depression, understanding, support, advice, recovery
Description
Behind the ‘Dark Clouds…’ describes Julia’s life and how she has coped with reactive depression, how others have helped and supported her and encouraged her to help and support others thus aiding her own recovery. It is an honest and straightforward account written in an informative manner. Underpinning this piece of work is the notion that coping on a daily basis and simply getting through life is often hard and sometimes we all need support with that. Julia’s illness has had a massive impact on her life and has influenced her to become the person that she is today, this book provides an insight into her journey to date.
About the Author
Julia’s aim in writing and publishing this book is to develop awareness into what life is like for people who suffer with depression and how it affects those around them. Julia hopes that her story will help individuals gain an insight of how mental health issues can affect people and that potentially anyone is susceptible, no matter who they are and where they come from. Self-help has been such an important part of Julia’s recovery, she feels that without believing in herself she would not be where she is today. For Julia this is where the support of others has had such a positive impact, that support gave her the aptitude and ability to believe in herself. Julia’s inspiration to write this story came from the notion that it will give hope to fellow sufferers and instil into them a sense of self-assurance and optimism for the future.
Book Extract
So here we go ladies and gentlemen here is my story right from the heart. At the age of 27 I was told that I needed a hip replacement and soon. I was devastated. I was just in my prime and was about to be married. We where hoping in time to have children. I felt as though the chance had gone and everything I had hoped and dreamed about vanished, but I am pleased to say that I was so wrong. My consultant said it would be better to have the replacement if possible after I had my family. That was exactly what happened.
On August 25th 1990 I was married and this was one of the happiest days of my life. Little did I know that in years to come this would end in tears! In February 1992, I found out that I was expecting our first child. We were both over the moon and I had always dreamt of being a mother. That wasn’t to be at the time as on 17th May I miscarried and we were both devastated feeling that our world had fallen apart. While I was in hospital my husband had to ring around and tell all our families the bad news. He said it was one of the hardest things he had ever had to do. We supported each over through this terrible time but all was not lost as we now knew I could conceive.
On the 10th of May 1993 our son was born. Giving birth is a fantastic experience. All of a sudden you have this tiny bundle that you are responsible for. It is scary but very exciting. I had carried this little one inside of me for nine months now finally I was going to meet him. In the end I had to have an emergency caesarean section however luckily I was still awake through the operation so I was able to hold him as soon as he was born. O boy what a wonderful experience nothing can ever replace that feeling. He was placed straight on my chest and I bonded with him from the word go. It was so emotional we both cried with joy. This wasn’t a dream it was real and all I had dreamed for had become reality. You wouldn’t believe how something so small could bring as much worry.
From the day you find out you are pregnant and for the rest of their lives you worry. It was a great time and I took to motherhood like a duck to water. Our lives changed dramatically over night. Instead of two there were three. We had this little one to look after. We both enjoyed every minute of it. Although at times with all the pain I was in from my hip it was a struggle but all the love and joy he brought into our lives made up for that. I would go through it again (which I did later). In the meantime my problem hadn’t gone away and I still needed a hip replacement. While our son was growing up the time was never right. So I just got on with it from day to day. You have to take the rough with the smooth. This was a small price to pay for everything I had always wanted, which was having children. Even though the pain was grinding me down, I was still very happy and counted myself really lucky to have my much wanted and loved son. I did go through this again as on 20th January 1998 I gave birth to my daughter, which again was an amazing experience. I had to have another emergency section and we got to hold her as soon as she was born. I was quite surprised but over the moon as I was convinced that I was having another boy. Again it was a very emotional time and we cried with joy. I was anxious and worried that I would not love her as much as I loved my first-born child but I was so wrong. How could I not love this little one who was part of me and I couldn’t help but love her from the day I first saw her.
After our beautiful daughter was christened at North Street Methodist Church, along with her brother, I started attending that church. We were made to feel welcome from the first day we attended and still attend to this day. When I was younger, I went to St. John’s church at Ashbrooke and was confirmed when I was seventeen but as I grew older I drifted away but always said that when I settled in Silksworth, I would go to church, which I did but this was when things started to go horribly wrong. I was verbally abused in my marriage but it got much worse as my husband didn’t like me going to church. I had made a lot of new friends there and was starting to go out with my newly found friends from church. He couldn’t handle it because I had a social life and was going out. Don’t get me wrong, he never minded me going out, only when it was anything to do with the church and my new friends, as he disliked everything to do with the church. Every time I asked him to baby sit, if it was anything to do with the church he would kick up a stink. If I wanted to go out for a drink he didn’t mind at all. Even though my husband didn’t believe he should never have tried to stop me doing something that I believed in and so much loved doing. He used to say that it was my escapism. Maybe it was going to church; my beliefs and the people I met there helped me so much.
Still the time was never right to have the replacement so I continued to struggle on in pain but finally in July 1999 at the age of 37, I couldn’t struggle on any more as things had become much worse, which I didn’t think was possible. My hip was so bad that it started to crumble and the pain was unbelievable. Eventually ten years after I’d been told that I needed it replaced that day came. At the time the children were only eighteen months and six years old and I had to leave them, which was so upsetting for me. My husband had just lost his job, which at the time was the public works, so he was around to look after them. During that time he said that he would never call a woman again as he never stopped and he realised that we didn’t have it as easy as he once thought. It wasn’t an easy time for me either as I had to learn to walk again, walk upstairs, get dressed etc, as they are things we take for granted. I will never forget my first steps I took after the operation it was like having a lump of lead for a leg it was so heavy to move. I had to walk on a walking frame for a few days, which I could not walk without it. Then with the help of a physiotherapist I progressed to two elbow crutches and had to learn how to walk again and the physiotherapist that I had was a right dragon and was upsetting everyone, but at the end of the day she was only doing it for our own good. Before I was allowed to come home I had to prove that I was able to walk up and down the stairs using my crutches but all this was in vain as the operation was unsuccessful. It was about six months after the operation when things started to turn really wrong for me. I had an awful time in those six months as I guess it all caught up with me. The verbal abuse was still happening and the more it went on the more I couldn’t cope. In fact things got so bad I suffered reactive depression. It got so bad that I didn’t want to live anymore even though I had two beautiful children. I always used to say if I had children I would be the happiest person around but in reality life is not always a bed of roses. I guess all that I had been through just caught up with me.
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