Comments on: Don’t Mind Me

By: Judith Haire

Judith Haire — Sun, 07 Oct 2012 14:24:03 +0000

Stressors leading to Mental Health Breakdown.

Judith has given a very brutal and frank account of her decline into her psychosis. Her story is spread over three phases of her life, childhood, adulthood and becoming her own person.This can only highlight the responsibility parents have into getting “it right” for their children. The stress Judith endured during her childhood appeared to dampen her own self value, not allowing her to enjoy three basic needs of life, comfort, love and safety. Her bleak story of unhappiness within the family appeared to exacerbate the co dependency she developed with the wrong people as an adult, in her aim to find happiness.

As a professional it brings home the importance of spending time with a person, you need not understand the intricacies of their psychosis, but giving the person a sense of security and understanding is paramount towards their journey to recovery.Throw into the equation; should Psychiatrists explain to their patients the known side effects of antipsychotics? Instead of taking a Paternalistic decision that could potentially devastate physical health at a later date. Perhaps this should be discussed with the family whilst the person is in such distress?

The most powerful aspect of Judith’s story was her ability to accept ownership of her mental health. Her decision to stop medication and facilitating her own discharge from Mental Health Services was a sign that at last, she has found the confidence and self worth that was suppressed in her for all those years.Stress appears to be the trigger in Judith’s decline in her mental health. Finally she has appeared to have found a way to cope with this. Judith has shared her remarkable success throughout her journey to recovery. A brave and courageous lady and I wish her a healthy life in the future.

Karen McDonald (BN Mental Health Nursing)

By: Judith Haire

Judith Haire — Mon, 26 Mar 2012 12:22:25 +0000

Powerful Story About Overcoming Neglect, Abuse and DV

Judith Haire’s memoir, Don’t Mind Me, spoke to me from the very start. A title like that says so much. It’s a theme that clearly helped her survive earlier times.

Don’t Mind Me was the first account I’d read about the experience of a psychotic break. Who isn’t curious about psychotic breaks. The memoir didn’t disappoint in the details of what it felt like and what happened, so we could come to our own conclusions.

Many “civilized” cultures carry a lot of fear and therefore stigma about mental illness, almost as if it were contagious and a sign of being bad or unintelligent. I’ve seen it in America, Europe, Taiwan and China. Yet, as Judith’s memoir shows, having a psychotic break has nothing to do with how good or intelligent you are. (And only some psychotic breaks are violent.)

Judith wrote that her psychotic breaks were the result of prolonged abuse and trauma. Reading her story, that makes sense. What soft-skinned sensitive machine could tolerate neglect and abuse without stopping functioning? Why would we expect humans to tolerate more?

Don’t Mind Me is a very good story about emotional neglect, and striving for accomplishment; emotional abuse and domestic violence in relationships; psychological breakdowns, followed by healing; more struggles and more healing, as the author rebuilds a good life.

It is also an important story, because there are all too few first person accounts of psychotic breaks.

Books with an important story need to be read, whether or not they are perfectly presented.

As a micropublisher, and editor of an online writers magazine, I know, by the standards of the book industry – no blemishes, no imperfections – that this book would be stronger with another round of edits and a bigger designer budget.

If you are someone who requires a perfectly edited and formatted book then pass on this one. But, keep in mind: book perfection is bought with big budgets. Many do not have the economic resources to polish a book to perfection. There are millions of stories that humanity can and needs learn from, from writers who don’t have the resources, and from publishers who are stretching to make the book happen. Millions of valuable, life-informing stories.

I found Judith Hare’s, Don’t Mind Me, compelling reading. I literally turned page after page wanting to know what would happen. Even though the editor in my mind was taking note of edits at first – a malady editors that have – it wasn’t long before I was engrossed in Judith’s life.

Judith Haire is well educated and intelligent. She has contributed to the understanding of mental health with her memoir and essays. Hers is a voice worth listening to, even if you respond to the topic of mental illness with fear and aversion. I am grateful to Judith for writing her story. Don’t Mind Me left me feeling uplifted, with a deep appreciation for Judith Haire’s courage and spirit.

Anora McGaha

By: Judith Haire

Judith Haire — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 17:42:15 +0000

As I read through this well-written memoir, I have several thoughts. First, it is embarrassing and infuriating to consider the way Judith was treated by the medical staff. It was as though because she was experiencing mental health issues and not physical health issues, she was less than human and deserved no respect. Unfortunately, I have experienced this personally, and know first- hand that our society does judge these differences unfairly.

The second thought that strikes me after reading this book is that there but for the Grace of God could be any one of us given the right set of circumstances. “Don’t Mind Me” proves how one can overcome even the most horrific of mental illnesses and continue to look forward to a normal quality of life, provided they are willing to persevere.

I wondered in the beginning of the book at the reference made to the stress Judith’s mom was living with during her pregnancy, how, if at all, it effects the growing fetus, especially during those critical months when brain development occurs.

I appreciated, as a reader, how Judith kept this book uplifting despite the difficulties she was forced to endure in her life both as a child as well as an adult. The book definitely ends on a positive note, allowing the reader to realize that there is always hope. Judith sacrificed plenty along her path, but in the end overcame it all, with the support of both her family and husband. I love the way Ken stayed at her side during the first and then subsequent episodes with psychoses. He is a keeper!

E Isaksen

By: Judith Haire

Judith Haire — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 10:35:00 +0000

If I saw that in a cinema or rather as a short TV series, I would say the screenwriters went definitely far too far in their creativity and that so many bad things could not happen to one person. Obviously life writes its own tragic plays that sometimes are beyond belief.
The first thing that made me think deeper was the behaviour of mother, it was a typical example of the behaviour forced by the society and rules of that. For ages I have been interested in this matter, how much society, culture and religion cause harm in our lives through decisions we take based on the rules forced on us.. The obvious tragedy of a woman who, due to different reasons and decisions, put herself in dysfunctional relationship. I have written about the mother as father’s behaviour, sick and dysfunctional as it was, in my mind was tolerated by the society, especially in the 1950s.
I was very happy to read the part of the book from the perspective of a patient, what one can feel and think while observing the outside world, what thoughts and fears can go through one’s mind. That, sadly, also showed me how bad or not good enough the so called specialists are; how little do they know or rather want to feel to help the patient. How important it is for them to feel empathy, not only prescript medications, how important it is to be just humane when trying to cure a human.
To conclude – books like that and this one in particular are telling the story of people who went through hell, but managed to come back. Who were on their knees, but stood up. The book gives us hope that even in the darkest moments we may find the strength to get better and to change the life. The most important though it speaks openly about the problem that is somehow a taboo in any society, but touches countless lives all around the world. By reading the story of one woman, everybody can learn something about their own life too

Brygida Biedron

By: Judith Haire

Judith Haire — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 10:15:06 +0000

This book tells a story of a woman name Judith Haire, a human being going through the heartache and tears of having dysfunctional relationships. Unlike many books that lack the information and process behind the recovery towards gaining oneself, Judith shares key details during and after the abuse. Don’t Mind Me is a book that should be in every house hold in America. When you read this book, you will agree and connect to similar abuse if you have ever been in an abusive relationship.

If you research the numbers, you will see that this is not an isolated problem in America. We are lucky that people like Judith Haire step up and write books like: “Don’t Mind Me” and open their souls to all of us. So we can connect to something further than the numbers and see how these issues can still be overcome through some of the steps she takes in this book. I applaud You for putting together something that can help change the dysfunctional patterns and prove that you can still have inner peace with out the mental scars.

Also applaud your sister Jane and your husband Ken for sticking by your side. Wish you the best and continue to be the advocate you are. You are a true role model.

Backinthegays

By: Judith Haire

Judith Haire — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 09:37:40 +0000

Don’t Mind Me by Judith Haire is a memoir about the deep descent into psychosis and the long struggle to find mental health in the aftermath. It is one woman’s true story of finding herself at the bottom of a well of insanity, with nothing but her own wits to get her to surface to sanity.

Ms. Haire describes a history of generations of hostile family relationships, including those of her grandparents. Then, she delves into the unsatisfying marriage of her parents, which made her feel unwanted. Her father’s moods alternated from violent to withdrawn, while her mother distanced herself from emotional commitment toward her child. Ms. Haire’s painful childhood left her bereft of the nurturing children require to grow to healthy adults. As is often the case, she repeats the patterns of helplessness and hopelessness by marrying a man who used and abused her. She described herself as “mentally destroyed.” Having no support, Ms. Haire became vulnerable to a psychotic break.

In Don’t Mind Me, Judith Haire describes the hell of psychological torment: “I imagined there was a nuclear war going on around me, I imagined my house would explode the next time I opened the front door.” How could she live a healthy life under that kind of mental pressure? The reader is taken on a journey of hallucinations that leads Ms. Haire to be as helpless as an infant in the “fetal position.”

Ms. Haire’s treatment appeared to lack compassion; she was often ignored, under-medicated, over-medicated, misunderstood, and isolated. It seemed to be the commitment of the patient herself that moved her mind through psychosis. Step by step she took on challenges that lead to a healthy life with a fulfilling relationship. She’s firm in her belief that even an unborn child can take on the stressors of the parents. This theory helps Ms. Haire to have compassion for herself.

Judith Haire says she found catharsis in writing Don’t Mind Me. She offers resources for mental health clinicians and patients alike. Most importantly, she shares a personal story that helps to reduce the stigma of mental illness by increasing the understanding society needs to protect vulnerable citizens.

Lynn C Tolson

By: Judith Haire

Judith Haire — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 16:13:25 +0000

Mental illness is so misunderstood and stigmatised thanks to a general level of ignorance, but Judith’s very personal and harrowing account of her battle with mental illness and the depths of despair encountered are eye opening, giving the reader a terrific understanding of what it is to live with mental illness, and how it affects others, and how the victim is perceived by others.

Well written, Judith’s book is a must-read for anyone looking for a good understanding of mental illess.

Neil R

By: Judith Haire

Judith Haire — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 18:01:24 +0000

Don’t Mind Me is an important account of a one woman’s survival of domestic abuse and mental illness. Judith’s ‘voice’ should be heard, as it offers hope and inspiration to those who have experienced mental illness and abuses. Hers is a welcome voice breaking the silent taboo round domestic abuse and mental health issues.”

Louise Brown BEd(Hons) MA
Senior Practitioner in domestic abuse sphere
Refuge Manager

By: Judith Haire

Judith Haire — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 16:26:02 +0000

Judith Haire
is a highly
educated woman
with a challenging
career. Don’t mind
me is a short, very
personal book
describing her acute
psychotic breakdown, attributed to a
dysfunctional childhood and abusive
marriage.
I struggled initially with the bald
style: it was like reading The diary of
a nobody, but without the wit and
humour. However, as I continued I
became gripped with curiosity to know
how the story developed. Haire’s early
feeling of being an outsider moved
me. I was mesmerised as she told how
she began to experience in adulthood
the violence and abuse she had been
subject to as a child. For onlookers
this pattern of repetition is hard to
understand, but by simply recounting
it, Haire lets us see how it happens.
She marries her husband out of ‘a false
sense of duty and fear’; she stays with
this shockingly abusive man out of
‘an enormous sense of responsibility’
and a need to ‘see things through’,
conditioned in her as a child.
Haire describes her encounters
with various psychological services.
She found psychiatry ‘remote and
uncaring’. The day hospital reinforced
the notion that she was ill; a day
centre was similarly unsatisfactory.
Some medication was helpful, but
she did not have enough information
about the best treatments and side
effects. Electroconvulsive therapy
she found ‘did work’. On developing
obsessive compulsive disorder, she
received cognitive behaviour therapy,
a ‘sticking plaster technique’ enabling
her to acknowledge painful experiences
without talking about them. For two
years she attended two weekly sessions,
which ‘really helped [to] overcome my
fears’. ‘The techniques I learned were
useful and have stayed in my mind’.
At one point she enters
psychotherapy for alcohol problems,
and there she enjoys dream work and
painting. A therapist becomes a ‘lifeline’
and recommends books that give her
insight into her relationships.
As a first-hand account of severe
mental illness Don’t mind me will be
valuable to all who deal with such
problems and experience them. An
appendix provides useful information
about self-help resources.

Beryl Crawford
Person centred counsellor and former
community psychiatric nurse

This review was published in the October 2009 issue of HCPJ (Healthcare Counselling and Psychotherapy Journal), published by BACP.

By: Judith Haire

Judith Haire — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 10:19:46 +0000

This is a unique account of Judith’s personal battle with mental health issues. As a psychologist I found the book extremely useful as a teaching tool for students trying to understand mental illness. It is also an inspiring read on an individual’s capacity to survive and thrive.

Lisa Doodson